oh my god i’m fucking sick of this generation’s mentality that your sadness is beautiful and somebody will fix you and all this fucking john green shit nobody will find you in a bookstore reading bukowski and want to lie with you and nobody will kiss your scars and you will not be like effie and freddie you’ve got to be your own fucking hero and surround yourself with positivity
I feel like I’m not even myself anymore. I feel like I don’t know me. What the hell happened? I wake up and suddenly I’m everyones bitch? People order me around, “friends” use up every ounce of my time and energy, but when I need them, they are otherwise occupied? I miss the old me. I miss the me who knew who I was and what I stood for. Who knew what she wanted and went and got it. The me who would help those who needed me and could walk away from people who tried to use me. But lately I feel like I’ve become too soft. I can’t tell people who use me off anymore. I let people walk all over me. I’m not naive, I know its happening, but I can’t find my voice to tell them to fuck off. I can feel those around me feeding off my happiness, but never returning the favor and giving me some of theirs. I go out of my way, hoping they will do the same but each time I’m met with disappointment. I’ve become too trusting of others. I’ve come to expect people to do the right thing, but hell, they never do. I miss the old me. But I can’t just change back. If only it were that simple. There are too many threads tied to this weak me, holding my head above water. I can’t lie and say if I cut all these threads I’d be able to carry on. There are a few positives to this new me. People seem to like the new me more. I can tell the new me touches more peoples lives in a positive way. But there are too many people who take advantage of this new found gift. Who steal moments of my life I’ll never get back and give me nothing to show for it. Do I shut the door on all completely, become an outcast at my own hand, or do I leave it cracked to what few come as they please, but live with the risk of letting in the wrong people? Does everyone face this much inner turmoil? I feel like the fire in my belly has gone out, and instead has been replaced with an outlet, to which just anyone can plug into and slowly drain what makes me me away. Is it worth this? So I have to ask myself which I fear more; The idea of being alone or the idea of being controlled?
“I love this twee”
“This twee is mah fran”
“Dis twee has a flavour”
“Twee, u no worries, I cleans u.”
"Twee is mah pweshus"